Spinning Thoughts..

As I stroke the keys on my laptop, I think of all the wonderful things my Lord has blessed me with...Of course, the"things" are not the materialistic items, but the pure, wholesome blessings...I am not worthy of this wonderful life my Lord has blessed me with, but I am forever grateful. There are many things in our lives that we wish to change, undo, fix, etc. I sometimes catch myself falling into a deep,black,dark hole and feeling a bit overwhelmed of the many things that I need to "fix" in my life...Friendships, my realtionship with Christ, understanding my "Earthly love" for Sam, my weight, etc. I know it is a bit quirky, but I get so caught up in the "everyday life," I forget to remind myself to stop and take time for Brittney. It is okay if the condo is not sold, it is okay if I'm not planning a wedding just yet, no big deal if it is taking me five years to finish school instead of four, quit worrying about my weight so much, and no reason to fret over finances....These are all things that constantly consume my mind and just when I've had enough, I simply whisper, " Stop...Breathe...Pray..." This crazy place we call "home" is often a hard place to grow, make mistakes, fall in love, find true friendships, etc. Just the other day, I was babysitting my favorite children: Wils, Brantley, and Joseph...I stopped, looked at them, and smiled...It was simply amazing to me of all the joy, love, and compassion these three,little boys have for eachother. If only I could go back to the time my brother and I were playing in the Toy box, singing karoke, etc. I have more love for my brother everyday and I'm so proud of him. It only brought tears to my eyes, and made me long for this feeling someday, that is, to have children of my own...I am beyond excited to see what the Lord has planned for me and for Sam...I pray, he will bless us with beautiful, healthy children. I pray, he will give us the strength, compassion, and understanding we will need to make our marriage wholesome. But most of all, I pray he will grant us with the knowledge, patience, and endurance to succeed life as parents, as husband and wife, as friends, and most of all, as followers of Jesus.   I often ask myself," Why would he ever pick me to be a wife, mother, or friend? I'm not worthy enough!" But then I realize, "He loves me more than I could ever imagine or understand."  I know this has been an interesting post today, but my heart was heavy, so I felt I needed to write about it. It feels good to write...As I stroke the keys on the keyboard, I remind myself, " this is only the beginning..."